Monday, May 28, 2012


I haven't had much free time lately so of course the one thing I have pushed aside is writing, not only in my blog but also my journal. For a while I felt like I needed to write, I needed to share big events that occurred in my life to anyone that wanted to read what I had to say. It was an escape, an escape from a life that I wasn't truly happy to be living. It gave me the ability to release emotions that I was unable to speak. At the time it was what I needed to move forward. As time has passed I haven't felt the need to write as often as I once was. I have figured out new ways to make it through the difficult days and have figured out how to go on with my life as new trials arise. My life has been anything but calm lately. I finished my first class of the pre req's that I need for physical therapy school. It was a battle but I officially completed statistics. During that time I also had been working a lot of hours and keeping busy on the weekends. Unfortunately, after being so busy and stressed with different things, I came down with pneumonia. So, for the past 2 weeks I have been fighting that, which has been quite the physical battle. But the good news is I am definitely getting better and feeling much better then I had been.

My family has also been going through a lot of different things. My grandma has officially moved to California. Soon after her arrival she became even more sick resulting in a hospital stay. She is now in LA staying in a Hospice Center where she receives care 24 hours a day. My family doesn't always handle difficult situations very well so it has led to a lot of different issues. I started contemplating if things could ever stay steady in my life. Each time I feel like I am making huge leaps forward something takes place to try to bring me right back down. But if I have learned one thing, it's that life is always going to have different struggles no matter how happy you want or try to be. The important thing is learning how to deal with all those struggles and continue to move forward with the life path you are choosing to walk. It's not always the easiest thing to do but it does get easier as you attempt to balance life's struggles.

The good thing is even with all that has taken place I have been able to find happiness again. Not the fake happiness that I once thought was real but the actual happiness where I look forward to waking up. I have found even more joy in my job and its a feeling of genuine love for what I get to be apart of. Of course there are difficult days but everyone has those and there is no way to stop them from happening. I have done a better job at hiding what is happening in my life and instead focusing on the good of the day. My days are filled with so much more laughter and smiles. I realized this past week that I truly am someone that is care free and wants to have a good time. That part of me has been missing for a long time. I actually had started to question who I really was. I felt like I was a completely different person when my dad was alive. As I walked with Theresa last night I was able to admit for the first time that I didn't need anything spectacular to occur to make the night seem worth it. Recently I have been able to enjoy even the small things in life, the things that we tend to forget to think about. I used to have it in my head that alcohol would allow me to escape my life and enjoy myself more. Unfortunately, I would find out the hard way that alcohol actually just made things worse. I finally heard myself say out loud that I didn't even need alcohol to just be the goofy fun loving person that I am. That was a big step.

As I was driving home last night I started to think about Memorial Day and the true meaning behind a day to honor those who sacrificed their lives for others. I have all the respect in the world for those people who have fought for our country and gave their own life so we could enjoy true freedom. But I also started to think about all those people who have lost their lives in different types of battles or those people who continue to battle. These are everyday people that weren't given the opportunity to necessarily fight for their country but fought a health battle day in and day out. People that continued to strive to be the best individual they possibly could knowing there life could end at any point. To some these people aren't heroes, but to me they are. They are people that fight for others as they fight their own life. These people are also forced to sacrifice a lot of different things and their families are haunted with the every day reminder that there loved one could be gone at any moment. Memorial Day is a good day to not only remember the military and their families but all who have lost their lives. Every person that has left their mark on even one life deserves to be honored in some way. A true hero is someone that has made an impact on another persons life and has affected who they strive to become in their future.

I look up to those people who constantly give. Whether that person is in the military or just a random person standing next to me who realizes how much others need their help. The person that wakes up each morning wondering how they can help another person or how they can change someones life for the better. It's everyday individuals that have the ability to make a change in this world. The fact is a hero never dies no matter how they are taken from us. Their impact is felt by people all over the world by how we choose to remember that person. The saying that a piece of them is always apart of each life they touched is an incredibly strong statement. It's the truth. They are apart of us and as long as we allow their light to shine through, they are always apart of our everyday. As our loved ones battle whatever fight they are fighting, the one thing that keeps them smiling is knowing that their impact can always be felt even after they are long gone. 

It is for that reason that today I remember all those individuals who have battled and lost their lives, who continue to battle and those who have done all they could to help someone or find new ways to help others. The truth is there is always room for more heroes in this world. One of the greatest heroes in my life is my dad and he is remembered today just as much as he is everyday. I remember his passion and his ability to care even when he wasn't having the best day. I love the man he was even more as the days pass because of how he has affected my life. He continues to be my strength and he is so much apart of my everyday. He is the reason I am here and it is my duty to continue to show his passion for others as I move forward in my life journey.

Thank you to every single person who has given their life so others could live today. And thank you to those families who sacrificed so much knowing that they may never see their loved one again. You are all heroes in my book.

God Bless,

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