It's A Brand New Day

Lately I have been going through a really rough time filled with fear and doubts of multiple things. Part of these feelings have shown up due to the fact that there are two weeks left in the semester and at that time I will have graduated from college. Scary, yes, but I also thought that I was doing well with the transition, but as time went on I realized that fear is inside me without me even wanting it there. I have been second guessing everything I thought I wanted to do, when in reality the career choice of physical therapy is something I am extremely passionate about. A week ago today I received a call from my mom about my dad having a heart attack. At that point I had extreme fear run throughout my body because I was scared of what may happen. I had friends immediately change that fear into faith and the rest of the time that I spent at the hospital was filled with faith. I knew God was making his presence known in the room that overlooked the golf course and beach. That was my sign that God was taking care of my dad by letting him look out into the world and see only the beauty that God created. Things were going well until Saturday night everything took a turn for the worst. I left the hospital that night overwhelmed with he feeling of the unknown. I didn't like the fact that I would be leaving him there and not knowing what could possibly happen. As I walked out of the building I began crying and was unsure what to do. My drive consisted of listening to "How He Loves Us", and at that point I knew that all I could do was trust that my dad would be fine because God was in control of the situation. As soon as I started feeling better about my dad's situation my ankle took a turn for the worst. I was in an extreme pain and wasn't handling it well. I made a few choices this week where I attempted to escape everything that was in me and came to realize that all I was doing was making it worse. Escaping wasn't the answer, God wanted my attention on Him instead of all the other things I thought I needed. Wednesday would be a day that started off really well and ended much worse. Everything was awesome at my internship that day and I had really enjoyed everything about my morning. That afternoon I had a doctor's appointment for my foot and although I knew exactly what was going to happen, I was hoping it would be different. I received a cortisone shot that caused me to be in a ton of pain that night and into Thursday. I was really struggling with the pain and wasn't able to do much about it. Yesterday I was a mess, I went to physical therapy and was unable to really get my mind focused on being there and actually getting something out of it. I was allowing the pain I was feeling to completely alter my ability to let my physical therapist help me. It was somewhat of a useless day because I was unwilling to relax and just perform the exercises I was being asked to do. I went back in to get more treatment today and it ended up being a good morning. When I walked in there I was so exhausted and it was seen on my face. Everyone asked me if I had taken pain medicine before I went in there but I hadn't taken anything. I asked one of the girls if I really looked bad and the words that came out of her mouth were, "you look like you have been defeated". It was at that point that I realized that I had let the enemy win and was no longer showing my faith in God. Things aren't great right now but I know everything will get better and I have faith that God has a plan for everything I have been going through. I have people that are looking out for my well-being and they want to see me get better. It's gonna be a long road and although I thought my recovery would be quicker then it is, that won't be the case. I am going to have to teach my body how to walk again, which isn't going to be easy but it will be worth it. It's going to be hard but all I can do is trust God and believe that I can and will be healed when the time is right. As I left physical therapy today a song by Joshua Radin came on titled Brand New Day. It was the first song that played on my list of songs on my Ipod. The lyrics to the song made me comfortable knowing that no matter what took place the day before, in the morning when you wake up its always a brand new day and the sun will be shining. Life will always work out how God wants it to. It may be a while before I get myself back on the right track but I know that God is with me and He will constantly provide for me. At this point I am able to accept what is taking place and willing to allow my relationship with God to grow in this process. I have realized that once fear sets in it's difficult to see any good in anything that is going on in your life. The overwhelming feeling of fear had taken me away from God and kept me from seeing the things God wanted to show me. I have started to understand why you can't have fear when you are trusting God and have faith in the things He is doing. So for now all I need to do is continue walking and make the right choices along with trusting in God and having faith in His plan. I really appreciate all the people who have continually been there to support me and provide encouragement. This past week has definitely been one of the hardest weeks for me but I don't plan on giving up. I know that when it's right, things will get better but I also know it won't be on my time. I have to trust God and also have to somewhat trust the people he has placed in my life to help me get through my ankle injury. God Bless, Taylor

I will rise...

It's very interesting to me that last night was my first time writing a blog because the events that took place today have made me realize how important everything I said was. As I read through what I wrote it hit me that all along I thought I was writing for everyone else to see but really I was writing those words so I could see them. This afternoon I received a call that would test my faith more than anything in my life that has taken place lately. It was a good morning...I slept in, went to the gym and only had one class. After class I received a call from my mom telling me that my dad was being taken to the hospital and may have had a stroke. It was at this time that fear immediately came over me and I was panicking. I called the people I needed to call and told them what was taking place, and although I wanted to hope for the best, all I could do was imagine the worst. For the next two hours I would spend my time crying and in a panic, for what reason? Before I left to go see my dad Janelle came over to the apartment and prayed with me. It was amazing how quickly the fear left and faith completely took over. I knew God was in control and that being in a panic wasn't going to help anything. All I could do is ask why him, why him? I realized later that it had to be him, not just for me but for every person that knows him. I saw God in everything that took place. My mom had stayed home from work today, which she never does and if she wouldn't have been home he would have had to call 911 because no one was at the office at that time. My plans for the day already consisted of me being in La Jolla, which is where his doctor is. Yes, what is taking place is not easy and definitely not a fun situation but God is with him, right by his side. I have no doubt in my mind that God is protecting him and has been protecting him from the moment this all began. I was reassured of this when we were sitting in urgent care and in the room next door I could hear the nurse say I know you may hate me for what I have to do but I really am trying to help you not hurt you. The things she was having to do were not fun for the patient but although the stuff was painful and uncomfortable, she was attempting to help her get better. I may have been the only one in the room to hear her say that or take it in the context I did but it was at that point that I was reminded of something I had said. "He has His hand in every little thing and it's all to help us, never to hurt us." I wrote this in my blog last night and fully meant it. God didn't allow this to happen to tear anyone down or tear my family apart, He did it to bring us closer and to ultimately bring us closer to Him. I really do understand the meaning of trials and being tested and I also am now able to stand when my world seems to be crumbling. I was reminded this afternoon that nothing is mine, everything is God's, so instead of allowing fear to take over it's important to trust God and let Him place His hand where He chooses and How he chooses because it's all His. God has allowed me to stand when I had no ability to stand on my own, and He has placed by my side the people and support I have needed. By the end of the night I was the strength in my family, the person calming everyone down and telling them it would be okay. Before I left the hospital I gave my dad a kiss and a hug, and told him I loved him. I walked out of the hospital extremely scared to leave an anxious for the morning to come so I could return, but even with all that going on I know God is with him tonight. What takes place in our lives won't always be easy and the minute you think things are going well, something else will show up. But each time you will grow even more to the point where things like this won't even phase you because you know Who is behind it, not what, but Who. God is behind every single thing and when I told my mom that tonight she responded with, "even something like this?" I said to her it may not look good now but I have no question that good will come from this because God will show each of us something we were unaware of. I love my dad with all my heart, but God loves Him even more, and that is why I have nothing to worry about.

It was a good day no matter what it looks like on paper. I pray that everything will go well tomorrow with my dad's surgery and I pray that the doctors can figure out what's going on. I thank every single person who has shown their love and support for my family as well as those people who have been constantly praying for us. I love all of you so much.

- Taylor

You are so Beautiful!

So I created this blog a while ago and thought I was going to start writing but it never seemed to happen. I have decided I am going to start writing and whatever is supposed to come out will.

A bible study group was started at my house about 2 1/2 months ago and during this time some awesome things have taken place. It's crazy to me how many bad things can take place in this house each week but every Wednesday God never lets us down. All those situations that seem so big at the time become nothing. Last night was one of those days where you look back and can pin point every single thing that was of God. I was taught something extremely important yesterday that hasn't left my mind since it took place. God taught me the importance of listening to His voice and reacting to what He says. God spoke to me and because of the place I was in at the time, I was given the chance to fully listen to what God had placed on my heart. If you would have asked me a year ago what it meant to hear Gods voice and to listen to Him, I wouldn't have had a clue. A year ago around this same time I began noticing who God really was. I no longer looked at Him as a child would but as someone who understood the impact He has on each one of our lives. At the time I had just had ankle surgery and was very frustrated with not being able to play soccer and just being in pain. I met someone at that time that changed my life forever by opening my eyes and heart to the love that was found in God, a love that couldn't and can't be found anywhere else. The rest of that year would consist of a number of other injuries that would constantly test my faith. Each time got easier in some areas but harder in others. I now understand the meaning of being obedient and having faith in God no matter what is taking place in my life. I see God's hand in every single thing I do and I constantly think about the effect it could have on my life. God is my everything and without Him I would not be standing right now. The people He has placed in my life have always been there at the exact time I needed them. It happened again last night and all I could do was sit there in shock. It's so incredible how you can look back at things and totally see God doing His thing. He has His hand in every little thing and it's all to help us, never to hurt us. God really is preparing us today for what the future holds. Looking at each situation that takes place and knowing that God is behind it and will bring good from it has helped me so much. I have all the faith in the world that God will bring me out of the things I am in when the time is right. He can heal anyone and anything but it will be when He feels it's time and not any sooner. Trust God in any situation that you might be in and never doubt what He can do. Be faithful to Gods word and obedient to what He is asking of you. Live your life striving to be like God, and never settle with your relationship because it can always be better. Let go of the control and give it all up to God, He will take care of the rest! :)

God loves you and so do I!!

-Taylor