Saturday, April 17, 2010
I will rise...
It's very interesting to me that last night was my first time writing a blog because the events that took place today have made me realize how important everything I said was. As I read through what I wrote it hit me that all along I thought I was writing for everyone else to see but really I was writing those words so I could see them. This afternoon I received a call that would test my faith more than anything in my life that has taken place lately. It was a good morning...I slept in, went to the gym and only had one class. After class I received a call from my mom telling me that my dad was being taken to the hospital and may have had a stroke. It was at this time that fear immediately came over me and I was panicking. I called the people I needed to call and told them what was taking place, and although I wanted to hope for the best, all I could do was imagine the worst. For the next two hours I would spend my time crying and in a panic, for what reason? Before I left to go see my dad Janelle came over to the apartment and prayed with me. It was amazing how quickly the fear left and faith completely took over. I knew God was in control and that being in a panic wasn't going to help anything. All I could do is ask why him, why him? I realized later that it had to be him, not just for me but for every person that knows him. I saw God in everything that took place. My mom had stayed home from work today, which she never does and if she wouldn't have been home he would have had to call 911 because no one was at the office at that time. My plans for the day already consisted of me being in La Jolla, which is where his doctor is. Yes, what is taking place is not easy and definitely not a fun situation but God is with him, right by his side. I have no doubt in my mind that God is protecting him and has been protecting him from the moment this all began. I was reassured of this when we were sitting in urgent care and in the room next door I could hear the nurse say I know you may hate me for what I have to do but I really am trying to help you not hurt you. The things she was having to do were not fun for the patient but although the stuff was painful and uncomfortable, she was attempting to help her get better. I may have been the only one in the room to hear her say that or take it in the context I did but it was at that point that I was reminded of something I had said. "He has His hand in every little thing and it's all to help us, never to hurt us." I wrote this in my blog last night and fully meant it. God didn't allow this to happen to tear anyone down or tear my family apart, He did it to bring us closer and to ultimately bring us closer to Him. I really do understand the meaning of trials and being tested and I also am now able to stand when my world seems to be crumbling. I was reminded this afternoon that nothing is mine, everything is God's, so instead of allowing fear to take over it's important to trust God and let Him place His hand where He chooses and How he chooses because it's all His. God has allowed me to stand when I had no ability to stand on my own, and He has placed by my side the people and support I have needed. By the end of the night I was the strength in my family, the person calming everyone down and telling them it would be okay. Before I left the hospital I gave my dad a kiss and a hug, and told him I loved him. I walked out of the hospital extremely scared to leave an anxious for the morning to come so I could return, but even with all that going on I know God is with him tonight. What takes place in our lives won't always be easy and the minute you think things are going well, something else will show up. But each time you will grow even more to the point where things like this won't even phase you because you know Who is behind it, not what, but Who. God is behind every single thing and when I told my mom that tonight she responded with, "even something like this?" I said to her it may not look good now but I have no question that good will come from this because God will show each of us something we were unaware of. I love my dad with all my heart, but God loves Him even more, and that is why I have nothing to worry about.
It was a good day no matter what it looks like on paper. I pray that everything will go well tomorrow with my dad's surgery and I pray that the doctors can figure out what's going on. I thank every single person who has shown their love and support for my family as well as those people who have been constantly praying for us. I love all of you so much.