|Drive from SD to CO|
|Wash Park...beautiful but cold snowy day!|
For those who don't know, Chelsea is the friend I am living with and I am so blessed to have her in my life. She has been someone who truly has been there every step of the way showing more love then any one person should show. I have two other roommates and it took no time at all to make friends with them. The dynamic of the house is interesting at times due to the small place and large amount of people but it's nice to already have a good support base. I have only had the opportunity to see Julie once since being here but we are both just trying to get settled with our new lives so that's expected. I have a friend that lives here that went to school with me at SDCC, so he has introduced me to some people who I have hung out with a few times. Schedules haven't made it the easiest to see Laurel but I have had the chance to see her and go out a few times. I also have met an incredible church community who has taken me in and reached out to support me in a number of ways. It's been a blessing having people I am familiar with but those who have taken me in have also had a huge impact on my transition. I am living pretty close to Mile High Stadium making downtown very close and the drive to the smaller areas is easy as well. Like San Diego, I have spent more time at the surrounding cities rather than in the heart of downtown. I am loving the scenery and all the small restaurants, pubs, bars and breweries. There is so much to see in this place and I haven't even seen half of it.
Allowing my mind time to rest and heal has been a blessing in disguise. I have found myself spending so much time outside taking in the amazing views. Longboarding has allowed me time to think about my life and the journey I have been on. Coffee shops have become my second home. Running is something I actually enjoy, which has never been the case unless a soccer ball was at my feet. I know it's very corny to say but my time in solitude, whether at a coffee shop or outside has allowed me the ability to feel closer to my dad. He loved the outdoors and found Colorado to be breathtaking. He loved running and was at peace when he hit the open road. While in San Diego I feel like I was trying too hard to find him. I actually would go searching to feel his presence. Now, I feel him because my mind is at peace and I am open to the calmness of life.
In the short time I have been here I can see positive changes. I no longer feel like the girl who lost her father. I actually feel like myself again, the person that existed before my dad passed away. The girl who was laid back, willing to find the good in life and be their for other's in a heartbeat. It was hard for me to be a support to anyone because I felt like my life was too much of a disaster to actually help anyone. I viewed myself as someone who was incredibly lost and would look in the mirror unsure of the person I was. I spent hours attempting to figure out who I was and what I wanted for myself. After a few days of being here I quickly realized that my relationships with people were difficult because of the way I had been defining them. I took every little thing to heart and felt lost when people weren't there for me every second. I expected so much from people and some of my friends could actually feel the pressure of being "the perfect friend" This is not only a personal understanding but an apology to those of you who have consistently stuck by my side. I have began to understand that true friendships don't always have to be so much work or have so many guidelines. Friendships aren't perfect and no two relationships are the same. You don't have to talk to people every day for them to still care and be there. Friendships change throughout our lives and every person in our life has a purpose. Some stay forever and some quickly come into our lives only staying for a short time. Through this understanding I have seen relationships change. I actually talk to my close friends more often and the conversations are so much easier. I don't feel like my world is going to collapse when I don't hear from people. I am content knowing that I am loved by so many amazing people without them having to tell me daily.
In the coming days I plan to patiently wait for whatever God has in store for me. The path I am led on will be the path I am meant to embark on. Even on the hard days, I look forward to what is ahead. I also have some decisions to make on school and what my future will look like. The possibility of a big change in direction is likely at this point but I am confident that wherever I end up I will have the ability to help and care for those in need. I thank you all for the love and support that has been shown to me with this big leap of faith. And until I see you again, keep smiling and living each day as if it were your last.