Expectation of Change

I wrote this yesterday and decided to share. Its a little choppy at times but it was on my heart. It came out on paper exactly how I was feeling as I sat at a coffee shop. I watched the snow outside and contemplated life and where I have come from. The journey I have been led on, the path I have chosen to take, and the many other decisions that have come a long with it. My life is what it is because of the choices I have made. We never know the effect choices will have but must have faith in taking that step. Here are my thoughts on the trials, struggles and pain that comes a long side big choices we make...

There is an expectation that comes along with every big change we choose to make in our lives. The expectation is that the life we were living, the choices we were making, or the position we held beforehand will change for the better. That expectation becomes overwhelming causing a person to hold all decisions on a pedestal, with a hope the outcome only benefits the change. Resting a top the pedestal is all the stress and worry being bottled up from each aspect of the change that was made. It begins to weigh on the person and the effects are shown on the heart, mind, and body. Exhaustion takes on a new meaning. It seems as if exhaustion is the only describing word that can be used due to the effort it takes just to find words for the emotions behind it all. The change no longer seems positive, however, underneath those thoughts it is still possible to see a glimmer of trust in the step that was made. Questioning the decision still occurs daily, wondering if it's possible that the choice may have been the wrong one. The feeling of being alone returns even with people all around. Prayers for understanding weigh heavy on the heart, while hoping for an answer. Nothing seems to make the feelings disappear. Previous heartaches return causing a lingering pain affecting each moment in the day. There is a want for happiness and joy to return in hopes it could overpower the pain. As days pass, the feelings are ever so present causing people to worry. The worry is due to the amount they care, yet there is a wish they didn't. For some reason it feels better to be alone. Working out is what is needed, however the task seems too daunting. The Bible becomes the place answers are searched for. Again, the answer could come in any way as long as an understanding takes place. There is a hope for the suffering to end or a form of light to be seen. In the midst of it all it's difficult to see that an end exists. Although an end is not noticeable at the time, faith allows one to believe none of this can last forever. Being stuck in the middle of the path makes it seem as if life will always be surrounded by pain and struggle. Those on the outside are unable to understand, yet all they want is to help. Wishing they could help causes a runaway mentality to surface due to the pain and inability to help. Being alone and staying away seems like it would be best, but in reality it only makes things harder. Realizing the pain being caused to others only makes everything worse. 

In the midst of all of this the main thing to remember is what God has said. Clinging to verses, quotes, and songs to provide some form of hope. "Don't be afraid, I am there, I am walking with you, and will never leave your side", are just some of the things that ring strongly as if He was truly right there. In fact, in that moment it's important to remember that He is there. God is right along side expecting hope to never be lost. Standing strong in faith and being obedient to what He is asking are His expectations. Spending time attempting to hear Him while also being willing to change the way listening is taking place. He is there, so find Him. If it's felt in the heart, follow that feeling and be willing to trust Him in that moment. Let God work how He may. If God chooses to use you, allow Him to do so and know He is right there. God loves you today the same amount He always has, does, and will. Nothing changes His love. To know that is helpful in knowing that He will bring an end to the pain and suffering. Search for Him, be steadfast in prayer, and find joy in waiting. God is teaching, allow Him the ability to teach. Bring light to dark and live by the guideline that every step should bring God glory. God's light can be seen in every aspect of every day to those willing to notice the beauty. Understand that God is always present and always working in a multitude of ways. When all else fails, cling to God and stay strong. He is there. He fully understands the pain but also doesn't want it to exist forever. There is something special taking place that will benefit His Kingdom. When it's painful to look forward or impossible to look ahead, look to the heavens. It's in those moments that eyes should be locked on God and the beauty in which he created. 

Be honest with yourself and what you are feeling. Understand your emotions are real. What you think and feel are important to healing. Healing will occur. God will bring about healing when it fits his timeline. It can be frustrating at times because the timelines we have don't match up with the timeline God has for our lives. We expect good moments to last forever and bad moments to end before they begin. We want what we want for our lives without being willing to wait on what God specifically has designed for our lives. God was patient through the suffering. He had faith through the trials and trusted what the Lord had said to him. He took each step knowing that the path He was being led on had purpose. Somewhere along the way a culture was created that gave an expectation for trials to end quickly without lessons being understood. There is no purpose for people to be patient through trials with the expectation that it will end quickly. So, as days go by and suffering still exists, the pain only deepens. The hope is that as the amount of trials increase, the number of effects decrease. Learning how to handle those effects and still finding joy in the struggle. The place in which joy is found in the struggle is where Gods love will rest, at the forefront of all suffering. 

God Bless,

Tay