Every once in a while I decide to look over some of my recent journal entries and read what I had to say. By doing this I give myself the opportunity to look at the past and also analyze certain situations I have been through. It helps me see the good things that I notice on a daily basis even during all the bad that is going on. As I was looking over my journal today I decided that I wanted to share an entry that I made a few days ago. I was reading what I wrote and was actually kind of surprised at what I chose to write about on this day.
I wrote this entry on May 4, 2011 and it had been a difficult day for me. I wasn't feeling very good and was just exhausted from everything that has been going on. I started off by saying that I wasn't going to write a lot because of how tired I was. Like I wrote about before, the days I feel that I won't write much I usually have a lot to say.
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May 4, 2011 Journal Entry:
Tonight's entry will be short because I am not feeling very good. Hopefully once I get some rest I will feel a lot better. I am just exhausted and drained, both mentally and physically. At times I feel like I don't even know how to function properly. It's like I am living in another world at times. I just try to smile and laugh as much as possible. Sometimes I wonder how much energy I am actually exerting just to be so happy. It's like I am living a dream or like someone else is living for me. I want to have a good time and I want to be happy. I have forgotten what it feels like to be truly happy. I know everyone else also wants that, and sometimes I think they want it even more then I know.
Life is more enjoyable when you can appreciate what you have instead of hoping for more. There is so much around each of us to be happy about. The good truly does out weigh the bad even when we think it's not possible for that to happen. Each day I am striving to make myself a better person and learn something. There is always something we can learn from each day and every single thing that happens, big or small. I have seen specific instances where God has chosen to slow people down or force them to stop, just to open their eyes to what's around them. I myself have had my eyes and heart opened in order to see what I was missing. God slowed me down enough to notice things that I never would have seen if I continued at a pace that I was living. It's like the saying, "stop and smell the roses", which to me is saying stop and take some time. It's saying to allow yourself the chance to actually live and see the world that is around us. I tend to get so caught up in life and being busy that I forget to slow down and just breathe. There is so much beauty and I don't just mean outside. There is beauty in the people we are around during our day, including the good and bad sides of those people. We can't change who we are but we can do our best to accept one another and accept our faults.
We all have our bad days but those people that truly care will be there and they won't be afraid to tell you what they think you need to hear. It may not always be what we want to hear but it's because they care, they truly care about making you a better person. Without those friends we never change and we never know what we can do to become better people. Each of our goals should be to become the best person we can be and to care for those around us. Somewhere there is someone that cares and everyone needs someone to care about them. If I have learned anything it's that each person in our lives has something special about them, something that we need in our lives. It could be a good thing, such as; a hug, a smile, a joke to laugh about, healing touch, reassurance, and the list could go on. Some people may be in our lives to teach us lessons. These people are meant to show us how not to be or even what we can do to make sure that we don't act like that.
Circumstances in our lives are strange at times but they all have a purpose. They help us grow and teach us lessons. They also allow us the ability to mature in certain areas and realistically become better human beings. The amount of trials I am currently dealing with only causes one response and that is to sit there an say, "is this for real?". I have reached the point where it all seems surreal. I can't imagine more happening but I also can't say I am not expecting something. It may be wrong to admit that but it's the truth, plain and simple. Someday things will get better, maybe not tomorrow but they will. I have all the faith in the world that my life will turn around. I have a strong hope for a good future and hold onto that hope knowing that it will happen. There is no doubt in my mind that happiness, true happiness, will return. For now, all I can do is continue to take each day how it happens. I have began taking each hour how it happens and it seems to be better that way. I have a lot of good things coming up and I am looking forward to all of them.
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I am thankful that I have the ability to see the good that is around me. Yes, some days aren't as easy as others but those days will happen. Today is Mothers Day and I am so blessed to have such an awesome mom. We have our moments where we fight but ultimately I love her with everything I have to offer. She is amazing...simple as that. She continues to amaze me with her ability to fight through all that she is dealing with.
Take a moment to think about all the things you have to be thankful for. You may be going through a lot of tough situations but you still have something to smile about. If life is going well for you don't take it for granted. Appreciate the good and accept the bad as it happens.
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 clearly states that God has a plan for each of us. I am very unsure what my plan consists of but I think I have an idea of where I want to go as of now. It's very difficult not having my dad here to push me, he was the one person that always believed in me and wanted me to do something important with my life. He cared about my future and the path I saw myself walking down. Ultimately, he wanted me to be happy and wanted me to pursue a path that would be service to others. Luckily, my goal is to serve, to serve others and provide them with hope. I think I may have found the right path for me as of right now. I don't know what the future holds but I need to start somewhere. Others have taken his place and believe in my ability to make something of my life. I am thankful for those people because I know how easy it would be for me to give up right now, but giving up is not something I can do. We each have a path we are meant to take, and it may not be the path we thought. Trust that at some point your path will be clear and you will walk it with your head held high knowing that you are headed in the right direction. Don't give up on the things you want.
Happy Mothers Day to all the amazing mothers out there!
God Bless,
Tay
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